Because it's been a while.

Why, hello there!

Long time, no see. :)

So the other day, I was at my town's middle school. The 8th Grade was doing a presentation to start their community service projects and the principal asked me to come and talk about my involvement with my high school's GSA. I agreed and so the principal sent me a list of questions that I would be asked during the assembly, one of which was, "Why is this work important to you?"

Now, the answer that immediately came to mind was that I'm gay. Which, you know, is also kinda the obvious answer. But I also didn't want to make the students uncomfortable by just being like, "Oh. And by the way..." so I e-mailed the principal, explaining that while I didn't want to make the students uncomfortable, I thought it would be really powerful if I came out and they were able to see that kids are out and okay with being out at the high school. I added that as a middle school student, I would have loved to know that there were kids at the high school that were out.

Her response was simply to tell me that she thought my instinct about making the students uncomfortable was right.

I though that I would be okay with that. But, as it turns out, I wasn't. I went to the assembly and explained that the reason the GSA is so important to me is because the struggle for gay rights goes beyond marriage. It's about people being okay with themselves. More than that, it's about people loving themselves for exactly who they are, regardless of what other people think. I told the 8th graders that if anyone tries to tell you that you are bad or wrong, then they're wrong. The only person that needs to be comfortable with who you are is you.

And that's all I said.

Don't worry; the irony is not lost on me. Here I am, going on and on about the virtues of being yourself, yet at that very presentation, I wasn't allowed to be myself. I have no problems with being gay. I love being gay. It's just who I am. I have no choice in the matter. Yet, on the off-chance that some 8th grader might not like it, I have to be somebody I'm not. I had to lie to a few hundred people about who I am.

And, yeah, you can say that I'm overreacting. But think about it this way:

What if suddenly it was decided that blondes were not as good as brunettes? So blondes bought wigs and nobody knew who was blonde and who wasn't, because everyone wore a brunette wig. Now, this sounds completely ridiculous.

But let's go further:

Let's say that eventually, people started to wise up and realize that this whole wig thing was a pain in the ass and, really, who gives a shit what color your hair is anyways? And so local middle schools started doing presentations and whatnot and eventually a blonde person was asked to come speak about why blonde rights are important.

And she was really excited and thought this would be a great opportunity for her to be herself and show other blonde people through example that it's okay to be blonde. But then, the principal of that school told her she should wear her wig and that she shouldn't tell anybody she was blonde.

If this were to ever happen, people would flip a shit. People would flip multiple shits. So many shits would be flipped that we'd have to leave the planet because of the smell. But, take this exact same situation and substitute sexuality for hair color, and suddenly this scenario makes perfect sense to millions of people.

Maybe gay people should just wear brunette wigs from now on.

If I only had the words...

Harvey Milk has a famous quote. "If a bullet should enter my brain, let the bullet destroy every closet door." A bullet did enter his brain, but there are still closet doors. Numerous bullets and knives and hurtful words have entered a thousand brains and hearts and minds and yet, thousands of doors remain closed, locked, and bolted with no peephole. How long can we go on like this? How many young lives are we willing to sacrifice so that we can pretend that diversity doesn't exist? How many more times will a GLBT youth have to commit suicide before we get the message? Why isn't zero enough?

If I only had the words to answer these questions.

If I only had the words to tell the family of Tyler Clementi how incredibly sorry I am. How words can't make this better, but they're all I have right now. How even as I sit here writing this, I struggle to find the next sentence, the next phrase, knowing that no matter how eloquent I am, it won't make any difference. Tyler Clementi will still be gone because someone else was to afraid to face the differences and learn. Learn to not only accept diversity, but embrace it. Revel in it. Love it.

Learn to love not despite differences, but because of them.

If I only had the words to show people. Show them that the only thing they have to fear is fear itself. If I only had the words to make everything okay. To make every day a day of awareness. To make every day a day where people were ashamed when someone says, "That's so gay," rather than just during Ally Week. To make every day a day where people felt safe and secure and happy no matter who they are.

If only.

But Harvey Milk is famous for something else too, the Hope Speech. "You gotta give them hope." And I hope that's why he's remembered. I hope that's why Tyler Clementi will be remembered. Not for the way they died, not for why they died, not for their sexuality. But maybe for the people they were, the beliefs they had, the good things they did. Maybe because, as tragic as both deaths were, someone might have learned something from them. I don't know what that something is, but maybe it leads to a few less hurtful words and a few more open doors. In the words of a famous song, All you need is love.

Untitled (I wrote it over the summer.)

"Hold up. Don't you dare ask me 'what' I am. You can ask me who I am, because I am a person, but if you're referring to my sexuality then asking 'Who are you?' is still wrong because I am more than just a lesbian, more than just a straight person, more than just a bisexual. But since you want to know what I am, let me tell you: I am the person that doesn't give a fuck what you think. I am the person that can be whoever and whatever she wants to be despite your oh-so-valuable input. I am the girl that is confused about her sexuality, but no matter which gender I like, I will never like you."

Those words were thought today, not spoken.

Those words will never be regretted, never be apologized for, never hurt anyone's feelings.

Those words will never open anyone's mind to new possibilities, never get rid of prejudices, never make a difference.

And so the girl who thought those words but did not speak them faces a question: which is worse?

There is the cloud, viewed from above. Zoom in. Green tree tops, birds flying, branches whizzing past. Hit the ground. There they are. One in an over-sized T-shirt and loose fitting shorts. Clunky flip-flops. Hair frizzing out around her face, making a triangular frame for the round nose, hazel eyes, and full lips. Across from her stands the other. The other wears a tank top, cleavage showing in abundance. Shorts are tight, leaving nothing to the imagination. And the blonde hair is pulled back into a pony tail, leaving the round nose, hazel eyes, and full lips of the other open to attack.

"What are you?" the other asks the girl. "Not that I care or anything," she adds quickly. The girl reels inwardly. The question, and therefore its answer, entails so much more than just sexuality and yet that is all the other wants to know. Hobbies, friends, family, challenges, opinions are not important, not worth knowing, pail in comparison to the ultimate question of who the girl wants to have sex with.

The girl wants to lose it. Wants to enter into a blind rage, wants to scream and yell and kick. Throw a tantrum about the injustice of it all. But instead she simply gathers her thoughts, promising herself she'll lose it next time. "I don't know," she answers, both honestly and dishonestly.

Those words were said today, not thought.

Those words will always be regretted, always be apologized for, always hurt someone's feelings.

Those words will never open anyone's mind to new possibilities, never get rid of prejudices, never make a difference.

And so you who read these words and might not speak them are faced with a question: which is worse?

A Letter to the Senate

Dear U.S. Senate:

I read an article today saying that you didn't repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell. While it would be polite for me to refrain from telling you exactly where you can SHOVE IT, I don't particularly want to. Therefore, if you bend over and stick your head between your knees, you should find your considerable ass. Feel free to shove all your homophobia and job concerns right up there, nice and tight. Who knows? Maybe you'll get a diamond.

In short, I'm disgusted. There are brave men and women out there, willing to sacrifice their lives to protect my freedom- YOUR freedom- and instead of honoring them and giving them the respect they deserve, you try and regulate their sex lives. You should be ashamed of yourselves. This country is in the middle of a war and you are turning away able men and women because of their sexuality, something they can't even control.

The American Public now has to sit and wait for "...top military commanders to certify that ending 'don’t ask, don’t tell' would not harm morale or impede battle readiness of the armed forces" (New York Times) because Obama and the Democrats are too scared of losing their jobs to just do the right thing. Fuck being a moderate. This is a radical issue and we need radical people. Not everything can be about getting re-elected. If you're not going to act as a Senator now, why should we re-elect you so you can continue to not act later? Do something good with your power, or leave.

But who am I kidding. You won't do either of those. You'll sit there and wait for that report. You'll continue to underestimate the integrity of our soldiers. You'll continue to assume that they wouldn't be able to defend our country if they knew that their comrade was having sex with someone of the same gender. You'll continue to ignore the huge upsurge of support for repealing this blatant discrimination. You'll continue to waste much-needed resources on finding gay people in the military when you're not supposed "ask" anyways. You'll continue to be bigots. See if that gets you re-elected.

We're supposed to be the "land of the free, home of the brave". I know the second part is true because you're keeping all of the brave people at home. What I'm questioning is the first part, the part I should be the most sure of. I'm only in high school and I already despise this country. Don't make the next generation despise it too.

Please, just do the right thing: repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell.

Lady Gaga- Words Cannot Describe Her Amazingness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GG5VK2lquEc&feature=player_embedded

Alright, watch that video.

Have you watched it yet?

Now?

How about now?

I'm going to assume you've watched it by now. :)

Alright. Lady Gaga is my new best friend. Seriously. One day, she's wearing a meat dress to the VMAs, the next, she's telling senators to get the stick out of their butt and do the right thing. (Maybe not using those exact words...) I love it. LOVE. IT. Seriously.

But really. If there are any conservatives reading this (and I doubt there are), please think about this. The GLBTQ community is not trying to hurt you or prohibit you from living the way you want to. They want to be able to love. In a world that is so full of hate, can we really afford to stop them?

To Lady Gaga: Thank you. The world needs more people with your fearlessness and willingness to be yourself whenever and wherever.

The Mostly-Likely-Going-To-Be-Ever-Changing Background

Because I feel like it. :P

Today, it's leaves because I'm very excited for the fall and being able to wear sweatshirts and comfy pants and maybe convincing my dad to put a fire in the fireplace and hot chocolate and Halloween (free candy!) and school being that much closer to over and Thanksgiving and Winter Break and WINTER! :D

I love winter. I love snow. I love snowmen. I love snow angels. I love the process of putting on snow pants and a coat and gloves and a hat and a scarf and trying to make sure that there is not a single spot of exposed skin. I love throwing snowballs. I love making snowballs. I love the satisfying THUD they make whenever they hit something.

I can't wait. :)

An Explanation Seems Like A Good Idea

I know. There is one question on everybody's mind: Why Rainbow Sprinkles?

(And for those of you wondering, no, I am not psychic.)

Here's why: it's going to be the name of my gay rights organization. Yes, I am starting my own. No, I do not want to just join one that already exists. Yes, I am that stubborn. :)

I originally was going to wait until after college, maybe internship at a different organization, learn the ropes, all that jazz. But then I started thinking: Why? My beliefs about gay rights are not going to change between now and then. My ideas might, but the wonderful thing about starting my own organization is that I can change my organization as my ideas, and the ideas of peers, change. So why wait?

And this realization coincided with the best idea I've had in a long time: an independent study. I'm going to do one. At my school. And it's going to be a presentation about gay rights. And now I have all these ideas bouncing around in my head for the presentation and they needed to go somewhere, and that somewhere is here. Get this:

I'm going to do it on the Day of Silence (for more info about this: http://www.dayofsilence.org/index.cfm). I think it would be so awesome. Like, a completely silent presentation. And my school gives participants of the DoS a slip of paper explaining why they're silent so that when people ask, they don't have to talk. So it starts with "Please understand my reasons for not speaking today." I'm going to make this paragraph the first slide, and it'll be on display as the audience walks in.

I want to say more, but I also want it to be a surprise if I can actually do this at my school which would be AMAZING. So that's all for now. :)